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About Photography / Hobbyist Official Beta Tester Love, LizzieFemale/United States Groups :iconself-nude-art: Self-Nude-Art
 
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I need to move overseas. Everyone knows accents make a man more attractive.
Broken Shell, Beautiful Soul by lovelizzie
Broken Shell, Beautiful Soul
Get up. You have to get up. I know it hurts. I know you're so ready to give up. Honey, you have to remember who you are. What you love. Who loves you. Get up for them. Get up for yourself. Get up for today. Tomorrow. Every day you have left on this mysterious, wonderful, magical adventure. Even if it's the most painful day of your life. You're alive. You're beautiful even when your shell is giving out. You are not your shell. You are a beautiful soul inside a broken shell. I love you.

Now, get up. You have to get up.

I promise I won't leave you.
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It doesn't really matter if you believe in a higher power or not. Your love, good thoughts, prayers...whatever you have available, would be much appreciated.


The treatment isn't going well. I'm at a pretty high dosage of chemotherapy and my body isn't responding to it. It keeps me functional, I suppose. I haven't missed much work, other than frequent infections and a persistent cough that won't go away. I guess it's a blessing, in a way. If I had found out all of this with a significant other involved, children or a house...how would I feel then? The fact is, my prognosis is pretty poor. I can't get off my medication long enough to have children, let alone will I be able to lift them up or run with them...or anything. No, children are out of the question. At very least, I wouldn't give this hereditary disease to my children.

It's funny...people keep telling me not to give up hope. That it's possible they'll find a cure within my lifetime. It makes me laugh because it doesn't matter. I'm already permanently and irrevocably damaging my body with these drugs. It's poison.  That's what it feels like and that's what it is.

I'm going to see someone on Wednesday to talk about my depression and anxiety. My doctor thinks I'm suicidal. I'm not suicidal. I'm just not afraid of death.

No, I'm afraid of suffering.

I'm afraid of living every day of my life in constant pain and being told "You're too young" or "You don't look sick" or "Oh, my grandma has arthritis".

No, I'm sorry. But I'm 26-years-old. I don't have arthritis. I have an autoimmune disease which has determined my joints are a foreign entity. It's not arthritis. Or at least, that's a terribly indeterminate name for what I have. I would call it war. War against my own body.

So I'm sorry I haven't been on here much. I'm at war with the body I used to make art with -- and every second, I keep trying to remind myself I'm this wonderful, brilliant model and photographer who has thousands of people who have taken inspiration from her work.....but I'm afraid to tell you, that's not me right now. I'm terrified. Absolutely wrecked. I just want to scream and scream and scream because it's not fair. 

And I wouldn't change it. Not for one second. Because it's taught me something I couldn't have learned any other way. I'm just having a hard time coping with the idea that I'm going to die some horrible, painful, awful death.  But I'm so grateful because I never really knew what empathy was before I got sick. There's nothing like being in excruciating pain to make you sympathetic for people who are in pain too. So whether you believe in God, a divine being or nothing at all....I'm grateful and I could use your prayers, love and light.

Here's Lizzie, giving you an update on her life. I suppose you can wonder why I haven't written before now. It's awful to admit when we're losing a battle. It's awful to admit when it's beyond us. It's even worse to admit we aren't handling it well. I'm not handling it well. So I'm going for help. I'm admitting I need help. And here, right now, I'm telling you. I could use some help.

Love. Still. Always. Forever.

Lizzie
  • Mood: Hopeless
  • Listening to: Shrinking Violets by Phox
  • Reading: Brave New World
  • Watching: Vicar of Dibbley
  • Playing: A Link Between Worlds
  • Eating: Pink Cookies
  • Drinking: Coke
Hello my darlings~~

To those who were not aware, I have been diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, which is an autoimmune degenerative disease where my immune system decides to attack my joints. First, it started in my hands and now it has progressed to my feet. I started treatment, which is an immuno-suppressant -- in other words, chemotherapy.

Chemotherapy is...it's poison. I mean there's no other way to describe the way it makes you feel. The closest I can describe it is getting the flu, but it's the only thing I've experienced which is close enough. Needless to say there's some side effects I've been feeling: nausea, vomiting, hair loss (yes, I cut all of it off), fatigue, and general depression. 

The loss of energy is probably the worst of it, but I'm taking vitamins and making a considerable effort to get my butt up and get moving every day.

I'm also switching back to first shift, so my schedule will permit me more time for shoots and replying to comments. Typing is much easier these days. My treatment sucks total balls, but it's truly effective and helpful for the pain/inflammation.

Now, I'm in my own place --- Read again --- LIZZIE HAS HER OWN APARTMENT!

So models who want to come shoot with me, select photographers who want to do a location shoot, and general friends who want to visit, you are now able to contact me about meeting up! I'm still looking at getting an industrial studio space downtown, but I would be sharing with other artists so we have to wait on that for now.

Otherwise, be patient with me, as you always have been -- I'll be here. I'll be watching and hopefully commenting on some pieces that have caught my eye. In the meantime, let me share a few new favorites!

Untitled by HelloDearThomas    Unlock Me by Malu-Photography  Modern Bodies 05 by lesmouches  Dani 5 by Plage-Photo
Dreams Do Not Come True by beyondimpression
  • Mood: Love
  • Listening to: Opinions Versus The Sun (Stars Vs. The Album Leaf)
  • Watching: Supernatural

deviantID

lovelizzie
Love, Lizzie
Artist | Hobbyist | Photography
United States
M I S S I O N ___ S T A T E M E N T:

To promote love and acceptance of our fellow human beings no matter their size, gender, race, or religion and realizing no other person should be diminished in the pursuit of another’s artistic expression and freedoms.




Bravery. Confidence. Self-esteem. Unique. Acceptance. Beauty. Happiness. Support. Inspiration. Courage. Love. Kindness. Creativity. Joy. Self-love.

Interests
It doesn't really matter if you believe in a higher power or not. Your love, good thoughts, prayers...whatever you have available, would be much appreciated.


The treatment isn't going well. I'm at a pretty high dosage of chemotherapy and my body isn't responding to it. It keeps me functional, I suppose. I haven't missed much work, other than frequent infections and a persistent cough that won't go away. I guess it's a blessing, in a way. If I had found out all of this with a significant other involved, children or a house...how would I feel then? The fact is, my prognosis is pretty poor. I can't get off my medication long enough to have children, let alone will I be able to lift them up or run with them...or anything. No, children are out of the question. At very least, I wouldn't give this hereditary disease to my children.

It's funny...people keep telling me not to give up hope. That it's possible they'll find a cure within my lifetime. It makes me laugh because it doesn't matter. I'm already permanently and irrevocably damaging my body with these drugs. It's poison.  That's what it feels like and that's what it is.

I'm going to see someone on Wednesday to talk about my depression and anxiety. My doctor thinks I'm suicidal. I'm not suicidal. I'm just not afraid of death.

No, I'm afraid of suffering.

I'm afraid of living every day of my life in constant pain and being told "You're too young" or "You don't look sick" or "Oh, my grandma has arthritis".

No, I'm sorry. But I'm 26-years-old. I don't have arthritis. I have an autoimmune disease which has determined my joints are a foreign entity. It's not arthritis. Or at least, that's a terribly indeterminate name for what I have. I would call it war. War against my own body.

So I'm sorry I haven't been on here much. I'm at war with the body I used to make art with -- and every second, I keep trying to remind myself I'm this wonderful, brilliant model and photographer who has thousands of people who have taken inspiration from her work.....but I'm afraid to tell you, that's not me right now. I'm terrified. Absolutely wrecked. I just want to scream and scream and scream because it's not fair. 

And I wouldn't change it. Not for one second. Because it's taught me something I couldn't have learned any other way. I'm just having a hard time coping with the idea that I'm going to die some horrible, painful, awful death.  But I'm so grateful because I never really knew what empathy was before I got sick. There's nothing like being in excruciating pain to make you sympathetic for people who are in pain too. So whether you believe in God, a divine being or nothing at all....I'm grateful and I could use your prayers, love and light.

Here's Lizzie, giving you an update on her life. I suppose you can wonder why I haven't written before now. It's awful to admit when we're losing a battle. It's awful to admit when it's beyond us. It's even worse to admit we aren't handling it well. I'm not handling it well. So I'm going for help. I'm admitting I need help. And here, right now, I'm telling you. I could use some help.

Love. Still. Always. Forever.

Lizzie
  • Mood: Hopeless
  • Listening to: Shrinking Violets by Phox
  • Reading: Brave New World
  • Watching: Vicar of Dibbley
  • Playing: A Link Between Worlds
  • Eating: Pink Cookies
  • Drinking: Coke

Comments


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:icontxhern:
txhern Featured By Owner 2 days ago
Thanks for all the favs :D
Reply
:iconskycladarts:
skycladarts Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Lizzie, a mere thank you for the :+fav: seems very inadequate after reading your journal entry. You are a very brave young lady and I hope that you keep fighting the disease with all your wonderful soul. Blessings and healing thoughts, Steve
Reply
:icondfredybr:
dfredybr Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer
hi, thanks a lot for the fav ! :)
Reply
:icondraunaturel:
draunaturel Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Professional Traditional Artist
Thanks for the fave...:hug:
Reply
:iconphydeau:
phydeau Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the :+fav:s
Reply
:iconarchaelius:
archaelius Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hi.  We haven't heard from you in a while.  Hope everything is ok.
Reply
:iconetherist:
etherist Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2014
Hope you're on the mend.
Reply
:icongoodsonfortmom:
goodsonfortmom Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
I love your images......
Reply
:iconarchaelius:
archaelius Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy Belated Birthday!
Reply
:iconboot-cheese-3000:
boot-cheese-3000 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2014
Happy Belated Birthday!!!!:iconhappybirthdaysignplz::iconbirthdaycakeplz::iconbouquetplz::party::airborne::dance::boogie:

Get well soon dear. Sounds like that disease is a real hindrance to your Life right now but I admire your tenacity--you aren't allowing it to get you down or make excuses and STILL keep pushing. I agree that chemo SUCKS and don't agree that this is the only treatment out there, that's bullshit. Doctors use it only to make money off of it because of how expensive it is. This is EXACTLY why I'm going to the Amazon and learning to be a healer/Shaman--to help people like you who need it.

Stay close and available my friend, I'll keep you in my prayers Miss Lizzie. :iconcuddleplz:
Reply
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